📖 Writing Examples · Feelings & Emotions

Year 4 Story Example: Showing Emotion

Age
7–9
School year
Year 4
Skills
story structure · emotions · description · vocabulary

Parents often ask what a good piece of writing looks like at their child's age. Here is a Year 4 example written to the prompt: “Your best friend forgot your birthday.”

Read it, then look at the annotations underneath to see what makes it work — the same things Nuliko looks for when it gives feedback.

The classroom clock ticked louder than usual. Maya kept glancing at Priya's empty chair, then at the calendar. Today. It was definitely today. When Priya finally rushed in, cheeks pink from the cold, she didn't say a word about it. Maya's smile faded. She stared hard at her book, blinking fast, and pretended the words weren't swimming. At lunch, Maya sat at the far end of the bench. She wasn't going to cry. She wasn't. But when Priya slid a slightly squashed cupcake across the table and whispered, “I could never forget,” the lump in Maya's throat finally melted into a wobbly grin.

What makes this writing effective

  • ⭐ Strong opening: The ticking clock and the empty chair build tension straight away, without saying “Maya was upset”.
  • ⭐ Show, don't tell: “blinking fast”, “the words were swimming”, and the “lump in her throat” show sadness through the body, not by naming it.
  • ⭐ Sentence variety: Short punchy sentences (“Today. It was definitely today.”) sit next to longer ones for effect.
  • ⭐ Emotional arc: The piece moves from hope → disappointment → relief, so the reader feels the change.
  • ⭐ Precise vocabulary: Words like “glancing”, “faded” and “wobbly grin” are more exact than “looked” or “smiled”.

Success checklist

  • ✅ I can start my story in a way that hooks the reader.
  • ✅ I can show how a character feels through their actions.
  • ✅ I can vary my sentence lengths for effect.

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Related free resources

✍️ Writing Guides

How to Help Your Child Show Emotion in Writing

A simple guide for parents: how to help your child show feelings in their writing using 'show, don't tell', with examples and free activities.

📝 Word Lists

100 Feelings and Emotions Words for Kids

A free list of 100 feelings and emotions words for children, grouped from gentle to strong, with a printable word mat. Great for KS1 and KS2 writing.

🖨️ Worksheets

Show, Don't Tell: Emotions Worksheet | Free Printable (KS2)

A free printable 'show, don't tell' worksheet for KS2. A step-by-step activity that teaches children to show emotions through actions instead of naming them. With answers.

💡 Writing Prompts

10 Emotion Writing Prompts for Kids

Ten free writing prompts that get children writing about feelings — perfect for practising 'show, don't tell'. Try one and get instant feedback.